Canada-Australia Swap Top Environmentalists

In what has been described as a “win-win” for both nations, Australia’s environmental icon Tim Flannery has been traded to Canada in exchange for national celebrity Dr. David Suzuki, nationalist Maude Barlow, cash and future considerations. It was thought that the trade was motivated by the fact that Dr. Suzuki and Maude Barlow suffer from a rare medical condition called demographic lockjaw that apparently can only be relieved by foreign travel to Australia. Dr. Suzuki has never been able to say publicly that Canada is in overshoot, but while he is in Australia, a country in the same ecological boat, he has no problem finding his tongue and telling interviewers that the land is overpopulated. Similarly, Maude Barlow had no difficulty telling an Australian radio audience on June 16/08 to stop growing its population, but has never been bold enough to tell a Canadian audience that we should do the same, even though we are growing 5.4% every 5 years, the fastest of G8 countries . We’ve paved 20% of our best farmland in a nation with just 7% of its land arable and considered marginal by European standards. Immigrant-driven population growth is a dagger that presses us at our throats more deeply every year and our leading Green voices remain silent. More than a decade ago Tim Flannery said that Australia could sustain only 6-8 million people, but since then, he has been as quiet as a church mouse, while his country has been growing leaps and bounds. Perhaps his job comes with too many perks. The General Managers for the two countries met and determined that both “players” and teams would benefit from a change in scenery. They obviously weren’t the right fit for each other. Suzuki and Barlow somehow find their courage Down Under. Maybe Flannery will recover his in the Frozen North and save us. When Dr. Suzuki leaves we are going to give him a big tearful send off, and raise his jersey up to the rafters never ever to worn by another player again. You will recognize it. It will be the one with the maple leaf on it, with the word “ Suzuki” across the back, and the great big number “ZERO” on the front to commemorate his contribution to stopping Canada’s environmental degradation from population growth. Jersey size will be XXXXL to match his ego, pomposity and condescension. One wonders if Australia’s land surface will be large enough to accommodate his personality footprint.